I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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