so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
