i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
