Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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