Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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