I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
