well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
a search helicopter?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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