My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
