I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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