I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
did you just send me my own nude
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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