I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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