Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
