You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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