Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
