I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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