Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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