Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
