I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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