We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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