i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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