no, he came in my armpit
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want nice things and good sex
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
