I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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