dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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