He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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