she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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