y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
