Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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