You smell like stripper and shame
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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