Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
