drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
