Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love you.
Bad choice
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
