Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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