areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
