I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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