Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
