It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
