I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
