my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
