i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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