I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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