I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
