So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
