Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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