My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
