Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
