you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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