Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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