i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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