remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
