Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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