I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
